Am I A Bad Parent?

Am I A Bad Parent?

Am I a bad parent? Or does my child just know how to wind me up? Parenting is hard, we all know that. Our kids really know which buttons to press, don’t they? But have you ever found yourself questioning your parenting skills? I know I have!

I didn’t know whether to write this post or not because it’s quite personal and probably portrays me as a lunatic and/or the world’s worst mother. But, I decided to share it anyway because I am sure it will resonate with a lot of other parents. Or at least that’s what I tell myself so I feel a little bit better.

Last week was tough! Molly is very, let’s say, vocal, with a hell of a temper on her! I wasn’t feeling too good and I needed her to be on her best behaviour. Obviously, that meant she acted like a terror all week. She was probably picking up on my emotions but the more she pushed the worse I felt.

Molly is prone to meltdowns, usually when she becomes overwhelmed with something like too much noise or the environment, and I know she cannot help that so I try to stay as calm as possible when she has one. This behaviour was different though. She was testing the limits, on purpose, knowing full well she was being naughty (I hate that word).

I tried to keep it together, as I do with the meltdowns, by counting to ten, leaving the room etc. but even so, I still felt like I was falling apart and cried a lot! Either to myself, Chris or on the phone to my mum and sister. I even cried in front of Molly a couple of times, which I hate myself for.

I shouted at Molly a few times and said lots of meaningless things I instantly regretted too. Cue the mum guilt! Some of my favourites this week seem to have been, “I’ll throw your toys away if you don’t tidy up/stop throwing them around.” As if i’d do that, they cost a blummin fortune! Or, “Behave yourself or you won’t be watching your tablet.” As if again, that’s the only thing that allows me to get ten minutes peace every now and then!

The absolute worst thing I said was, “If you don’t get ready now, I’ll go to gymnastics without you.” On the surface, that doesn’t sound too bad; it’s the aftermath I have a problem with. The threat of me leaving without her prompted Molly to attempt to get herself ready. Result, right? Not exactly! It made me want to cry all over again when I saw her attempting to squeeze toothpaste out of the tube and put her pants on. I made my child struggle and cry because she thought I’d leave. What sort of parent am I?

As if that wasn’t bad enough, Molly, unbeknown to her, well and truly rubbed salt in the wound later in the week when she was getting ready to go out with her daddy. She turned around to Chris and said, “Don’t go without me daddy, I’m just getting my shoes on.” Chris immediately responded with, “I would never leave without you sweetie, why would you think that?” Erm, I guess that may (DOES) have something to do with the world’s worst mother over here! Did I teach her a lesson, or have I scarred the poor thing for life because I can’t keep my shit together?

Just in case you thought I was being dramatic calling myself the world’s worst mother, here’s something that really cements my tag. I was sat having a conversation with Molly about all the things that make us happy. She said things like her Paw Patrol Lookout Tower, practising gymnastics, her bedroom, and her cousin Jessica.

Then I asked her who she thought made mummy happy. The answer was obviously Molly, but she listed about five people before I stopped her and had to tell her that the person I was thinking about was her. The words she spoke next will forever haunt me. “Mummy, I don’t make you happy, I make you sad.” I almost died on the spot. Why would a three year old think she makes her mummy sad? I guess all of the crying and shouting like a lunatic made her think that. Does she actually believe that? What is going on in her head?

I have tried to explain to Molly over and over again that she doesn’t make me sad. I’ve probably kissed and cuddled her to within an inch of her life every minute since to try and ensure she knows she makes me feel happy. I just hope I haven’t screwed her up forever.

Am I a Bad Parent? Probably not! I hope not anyway! I am chalking this week down to what it was; a bad week! There is no point in dwelling on it now as what’s done is done. I hope Molly doesn’t actually think she makes me sad, but if she does, I will change that by showing her that she doesn’t. She is my whole entire world and I cannot bear the thought of her being sad because she thinks she makes me sad.

Do your kids ever push you to your limits, making you feel like the worst parent in the world? Or have they ever broken your heart with something they’ve said to you? How do you deal with it?

 

Sam x

JakiJellz

Tales from Mamaville

 

 

 

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30 Comments

  1. Morgan Prince
    16/04/2018 / 7:43 pm

    Oh hun I hear you. We all have bad weeks like this and I honestly remember a similar situation with my eldest. He thought he made me sad too, and yes, it broke my heart. But to be honest at such a young age they don’t tend to remember things after about a week. A bad week would result in what your daughter said, but a good week? You never know.
    The thing is, simply by worrying about it all you’re proving you’re anything but a bad mum. You love your daughter and that is the best thing you can do. Sending love. x
    #familyfun

    • Sam
      Author
      16/04/2018 / 9:24 pm

      Awww thank you for such a lovely comment hunny. I’m still really upset about the whole thing but she seems to be over it now. Kids eh ha x

  2. twotinyhands
    17/04/2018 / 6:16 am

    Aww bless you both Sam. You haven’t done wrong, kids are very receptive to our moods. I think your right it’s just a bad week. No advice other than keep chucking all the happy at her! I’m sure it will all be fine! ‪Thank you for linking up to the #familyfunlinky‬

    • Sam
      Author
      30/04/2018 / 6:49 am

      Thank you Karen x

  3. 17/04/2018 / 8:30 am

    We are all human and it doesn’t do your daughter harm to understand that mum gets tired, stressed or just gets it wrong sometimes. You have great communication with your little one so you can put confusions right. We are so hard on ourselves aren’t we!? It’s because we love them so much. x

    • Sam
      Author
      30/04/2018 / 6:51 am

      We really are too hard on ourselves when it comes to our kids aren’t we. Thank you x

  4. 17/04/2018 / 5:08 pm

    No you are not a bad parent – you’re just doing your best! I have regular meltdowns – the main thing is to say you’re sorry afterwards. We’re all human #familyfunlinky

    • Sam
      Author
      30/04/2018 / 6:53 am

      Thank you hun x

  5. aliduke79hotmailcom
    17/04/2018 / 5:45 pm

    I think we all have times where we feel like this. My daughter is 12 and at that lovely hormonal age where everything I do or say is wrong. She has bought me to tears over the last few days, but today she has been an angel. Our children were definitely sent to try us!
    #FamilyFun

    • Sam
      Author
      30/04/2018 / 6:55 am

      They were definitely sent to try us! I am dreading the teenage years, especially if she’s anything like I was haha. X

  6. 17/04/2018 / 7:22 pm

    we’ve all been there, don’t beat yourself up. I think that anybody that calls themselves a parent blogger who doesn’t have one of these somewhere in their archives is either not being honest or hasn’t been blogging for very long! #familyfun

    • Sam
      Author
      30/04/2018 / 6:57 am

      You’re right, we’ve all been there haven’t we. I just need to remember to not beat myself up as much when it happens again. Because I’m sure it will! Haha x

  7. 17/04/2018 / 9:10 pm

    Oh Sam, all the feels. But no, you are not the world’s worst Mum. The fact that you are worrying about it all so much just proves what a great Mum you are. I’ve had days and weeks like this and at the time it feels really bloody shitty. But this too shall pass. Keep your chin up lovely and enjoy all of those cuddles! Thanks for sharing with #TriumphantTales, hope to see you again next week!

    • Sam
      Author
      30/04/2018 / 6:59 am

      Awww thank you for a lovely comment hunny x

  8. 18/04/2018 / 3:21 am

    i used to say to my kids, ‘I’ll go to school without you’ to which they replied ‘go ahead, have a nice day’ we all have down days as do our kids, if this makes you a bad parent then sorry but so are most other people, just remember people usually aren’t so honest on SM and neglect to tell you the negative side of parenting and portray their kids as perfect #triumphanttales

    • Sam
      Author
      30/04/2018 / 7:03 am

      I’ve said I’ll go without her to wherever before too, to which she has told me to go. Kids! Thanks for commenting x

  9. Musings of a tired mummy...zzz...
    19/04/2018 / 12:14 pm

    I feel like I make a lot of mistakes but as I tell my children that is the only way to change and improve. The fact that you question yourself shows what a good parent you are #triumphanttales

    • Sam
      Author
      30/04/2018 / 7:05 am

      I question myself so much but like you said, if we do make mistakes at least we can learn from them. X

  10. Ah, this is me, every other day. It’s a vicious circle – I wake up promising myself I won’t shout at my son, then he doesn’t listen and winds me up, I shout, say things I later regret, then feel like a crap mum all day, apologise to him and hug and kiss him… till next morning! Mumguilt is one of the worst parts of parenting. But we all have bad days and we all loose our shit and we all feel crap, so tight hug for you there! I’m sure Molly knows you love her lots and lots; little kids often say things that hurt us, but they say it innocently.
    I always talk to my son after a tantrum/ after I shout at him and explain the why of it all – and I do say sorry when it’s my fault. It makes them feel respected, and I find it often helps.
    #TriumphantTales

    • Sam
      Author
      30/04/2018 / 7:08 am

      I wake up every day promising it will be different, and that I won’t react when she winds me up, but she makes that so difficult sometimes. I think what you said about explaining it to the child afterwards is important. X

  11. 20/04/2018 / 7:09 am

    You are most definitely NOT a bad parent. It was a bad week and we all have them. I have had A LOT of weeks like that. When my son was younger we had daily battles and I cried a lot. It was a phase and thankfully we are through he other side stronger than ever. My daughter is approaching that age now and my son has witnessed it and apologised to me for when he was like that because he’s at an age now where he understands that I want nothing but the best for both of them but certain behaviours just aren’t acceptable. When my daughter starts to have a meltdown he is amazing at distracting her and calming the situation. Mum guilt gets us all, but it also shows just how deeply we care.
    Thank you for joining the #FamilyFunLinky x

    • Sam
      Author
      30/04/2018 / 7:12 am

      Your son sounds amazing. How lovely that he recognises his own behaviour and now helps you out with your daughter. Very sweet! Mum guilt is the worst isn’t it! X

  12. 20/04/2018 / 6:12 pm

    I think we all get to this same place along the journey of parenting… parent fails, and ‘I can’t believe I just said that’ kind of stuff. Truth is, parenting is hard and no one, even us mums, are perfect. Give yourself some slack and some acceptance! #TriumphantTales xoxo

    • Sam
      Author
      30/04/2018 / 7:18 am

      I definitely need to give myself some slack! Thanks hun x

  13. 20/04/2018 / 9:31 pm

    You’re not a bad mum at all, it was a bad week. We all have them. I’ve made threats like this before and more than once! Parenting is hard, we all struggle sometimes. Your little girl knows you love her #TriumphantTales

    • Sam
      Author
      30/04/2018 / 7:19 am

      It was definitely a bad week! Haha. Thank you x

  14. 22/04/2018 / 7:04 pm

    I can relate to this, so hard at times but you sound aware and you want to help so surely that is a good thing? X #familyfunlinky

    • Sam
      Author
      30/04/2018 / 7:22 am

      It is so hard at times isn’t it? As long as we know we are trying our best and my daughter still knows shes loved then that’s all that matters really. Thanks hun x

  15. 24/04/2018 / 6:51 pm

    Aww I felt your emotions as I was reading this. My son is still little so I haven’t got much similar experience but I can tell you that it’s completely normal to have these moments, days and weeks. The fact that it bothers you shows in itself that you’re a good parent. There’s no one way to parent, we just have to do what we can.
    Thanks for sharing this post with #itsok.

    • Sam
      Author
      30/04/2018 / 7:23 am

      Thank you hunny x

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